I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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