Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
