he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
