so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
