if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
