He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
