Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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