I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
