Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
