no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
