Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
