I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize