no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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