i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
