He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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