So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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