the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
