While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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