He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
