i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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