I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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