Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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