Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
