I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
