I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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