omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
