I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize