She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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