the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
