Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
