We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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