i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
