You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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