i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
