Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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