My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
