i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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