She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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