try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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