i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
