i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
BRING THE BAGELS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize