he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
