Jerry, you need to find god
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
