I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
