So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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