i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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