why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
