Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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