So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
