Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
