Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
