I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm passing your future prison.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
