I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
