I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
