no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
