My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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