all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
