Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
