Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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