How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
