think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize