dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
