Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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