I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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