So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
