I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
