Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
