You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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