just tell him i said nine months
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
